Whatever terms we try to use to describe this year, words fail. When trying to re collect the memories of twelve months, I stand in awe of the strength Allah gave me to face most of the hardships, not resilience, please I HATE THIS WORD, strength that comes from faith, that gives an inner peace (سكينة) which whenever I lose, I feel that mountains weight is on my chest from fear of an unknown coming, while having it I have the reassurance that Allah’s power will grant me the blessing of my prayers answered, nothing impossible.
That being said, whatever where the issues that I lived, all over the globe, the covid caused so much harm, sadness, job loss and an incredible amount of pain and challenges. An extended nightmare from which no one woke up yet, an endless tunnel which end we are all waiting for to see the light.
As I was trying to recover from end of 2019 with the revolution that started in October filling us with hope, and yet a situation in Lebanon that is the most challenging, it was fun to have some fun reuniting with childhood friend and some stress free moments over my tiktok!
The calm before the storm, little did we know that Covid evil will travel from country to country and put on hold all our plans and life.
My favorite month, no matter what happens, If you don’t pamper yourself than who will? I celebrated the last shopping spree before the crisis! a last pampering before the lockdown was officially announced in Lebanon.
Ramadan makes anything better, while I got used on the lockdown life and chilled and learned as possible we resumed life slowly at work and enjoyed in the same time this Ramadan with more time for prayers and cherishing the moment.
Life was starting to resume a “new normal” pace and a semi regular eid was enjoyable safely and wisely with family. I was happy to reunite with my friends too after two months of lockdown.
My blog turned four and counting nchAllah . I celebrated as usual with you, and what better way than pampering my favorite followers and support system.
Touch base with summer. Trying to breathe and let the sun heal and change the mood. I had fun exploring more areas in Lebanon and what better than rural tourism to replace the trips we couldn’t have!
A month that teared me apart, hardly after we enjoyed Eid Adha, there was no point of return, maybe wounds physically healed, yet the soul is torn with painful memories forever scaring it. May the souls rest in peace, and may the right reign again.
I was still in my post injury recovery, profiting from a break with my mom, who was taking me back in memories to childhood where I witnessed mouneh making as we used to. Therapeutic as I say.
Back to work slowly and in the same time Beirut heals me, the fact of being back to my safety net makes me feel home, in my place.
No sweet November for me, or my family. we have been hit hard. The majority of us were careful to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the corona beast infection, yet it happened. My mother, my aunts, my uncle and cousins tested positive. we lost Grandma (may her soul RIP) for this battle, and since November 17th my mom is in the hospital , suffering and us dying slowly daily till we see her recovered.
The ghost of 2008-2009 came haunting me, back then we lost Dad (may his soul RIP) to cancer, and here we are grasping in hope and faith that Allah will grant mom the blessing recovery and us seeing her once again.
No holiday spirit can lift a tormented heart. I fill my heart with light, to replace the dark thoughts. The tears fall yet don’t heal. I tested positive myself, and yet no matter what were my symptoms, the pain of what I am going through is bigger than any other pain. I pray and pray, many beautiful souls around me do too, those who know and love mom, those who never met her yet are so sweet with their compassion. Nothing is harder than seeing loved ones suffer while you have nothing in hand. Over and over, I am more determinant to grow the faith that whatever Allah (SWT) chooses is the best, praying he chooses her recovery.
I can’t express in words what this year taught me. I was never ungrateful or took any of the happy moments for granted, even the yellow smiles that are drawn some days on my face now. I am forever filled with Allah’s love and cherish whatever he does for me.
Please stay safe, protect yourself for your loved ones and never ever lose faith that with hardship come better moments.
Sending you love and light
La Petite XOXO