Lockdown birthday celebration: what is it like to turn 35

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD! Ok sorry for shouting  but what we are all living is so surreal that got me thinking and reflecting, not that I am not constantly overdoing this, but now I have a reason to!

So rewind, last year didn’t actually start on good notes, loosing my grandma and from there the year kept sending us challenges.

The revolution came and shook the ground under us, it was a wake up call. while many thought that it was what erupted the economic crisis, fortunately noooo. The revolution woke us from the hibernation of lying to ourselves saying things are ok, no they are not. we were sinking silently and it was time to WAKE UP.

Days kept crawling out of my hands, and I was standing helpless, like many. What will my future look like in Lebanon, should I stay, should I leave? It was like feeling trapped inside a maze and not knowing the way out. Ups and downs, a roller coaster of feelings struggling between that thin line of positivity and hope vs loosing it and drowning.

And just when 2020 was starting with many dreams of a special unique one, BAM it was unique in reuniting the world in one fight: CORONA. I don’t even remember if there was something that was threatening the humanity like this since the 90s maybe with mad cow and still it was not to be compared.

My feelings of fear and isolation suddenly were diluted and then multiplied by gazillion factor. However it was different, it is not about Lebanon only, for once, we are not to blame our government for how they reacted, trust me I even felt proud that we actually are doing better than other countries.

Struck by fear, feeling accountable of my actions and words that could affect others. and just like that, I was suddenly locked in my apartment; lockdown was declared on national level, on universal level. No trips to take, no outings, no gatherings. Each step outside the door is calculated, groceries bags became probable threats. Anything is suspicious and  anxiety is weighing heavily on my heart.

In the midst of all of this, how to pick up myself and still be excited for my birthday, well as silly as this may sound yet I needed to celebrate myself. I needed a reason to feel cheered. Just the day before my colleagues thoughtfully celebrated me. And on the same day, virtually many loved ones were with me, the sweetest Krystie and Mayousha sent me the most adorable package and in real, my rockita came (two weeks back we were still gathering) to celebrate together with her attentiveness and care.

While I faked blowing the candle, and made wishes that I cannot share:P, I prayed for God’s mercy to be upon us. I have this inner peace that regardless what happens, Allah is by my side, and this empowers me.

I will now witness what is turning 35 like?  What are the challenges that are to be faced at this age? Well maybe the year will tell, maybe it will be in the way I cope with this crisis?

The world is going through a shaking experience but I don’t underestimate whatever I am feeling. I am working my way through, and trying to profit from this imposed pause.

I firmly believe that there is a lesson to learn from this crisis, nothing is random when it comes to Allah almighty. Better days are coming, with hardship there is relief.

Keep faith in your heart.

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XOXO

La Petite